So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
