my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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