youre lurking in front of me
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
