I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
