So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
