Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Too much gin, very little bucket
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
