I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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