considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
