i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
