She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize