You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
