What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
