Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
