The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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