dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
