my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
