then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
