i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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