I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
