clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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