Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
