You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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