ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
