No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
