Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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