I just pynch a tree in the face
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
