we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
