i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
