Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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