that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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