i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize