Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
