I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
