I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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