Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
