how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
