Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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