Got a toothbrush?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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