I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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