I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
