im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
