Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize