apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
