I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
