my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
