yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
