yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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