Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
