I skipped work to stalk him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
