I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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