Cold hands, warm shart.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
