We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
