Whod you bang
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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