I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
