people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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