I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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