Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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