Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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