i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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