After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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