So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
