just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
