At least make sure they are 18
Why
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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