just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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