i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
