i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
