Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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