I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
