Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
