shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Semen is not good for contacts.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
