Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
