Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
sarcasm needs its own font
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
whose parrot is this?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
