It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
