I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
