I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
