and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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