just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
