I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
