So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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