Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
