I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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