I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
