I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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