I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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