now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
