idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
