I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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