Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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