:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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