Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
