You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
