i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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