sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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