not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
false alarm, still single
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