I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
