dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
