uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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