im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
