Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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