hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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