I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
