Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
We got so high we made milksteak
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
