OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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