Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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