so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
