dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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