I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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