your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize